“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I just got home from flying across the country from Massachusetts to Washington to visit my best friend. On my long bus ride home, I decided that I would watch a movie and the only movie I had downloaded to my tablet was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Now for those of you who haven’t seen this movie, I truly believe that it is such an amazing movie and that you should all see it or at least read the book (I haven’t yet by I’ve heard its great).

I remember watching this movie for the first time when I was a freshman in college, right before Christmas break when I spent nearly four days alone in my room (I’m now a junior) and there is still one quote that will always stick with me, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I wanted to discuss this quote because as I re-watched the movie today, that one quote still made me think a lot. As someone who has spent a lot of time getting treated unfairly and usually tossed aside, this a quote has always made me wonder about things in my own life. I’ve spent very much time alon and isolated from others and sometimes I wonder if  I do it to myself or if its something that others a have done to me.

Freshman year of college was a really hard year for me, not to the extent of Charlie’s freshman year of highschool (if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about), but it was a year of emotional turmoil and constant discomfort in not only my own skin but at the school where I lived. I had a good group of friends and a group of friend’s who just used me as the punchline of every joke they made. So now as I look back at it and realized how much bullshit I put up with, I wonder if I accepted it because its what I thought I deserved.

Now in my second year at the school I transfered to, I have surrounded myself with people who laugh with me rather than at me, I’m more secure in my skin and more confident about who I am physically as well as mentally. But sometimea as I look back, I wonder what it was that made me cower and hide in my room the majority of my stay at that school. When I was in my room I felt alone and when I was with my friends I felt alone.

I guess that in watching this movie once again, it solidified that quote in my life. We do accept the love we deserve, be it good or bad. At that point in my life, I didn’t think I was worthy of friendship or a happy life, I was in a rough place and I was not okay. Now that two years have passed, I’m stronger and the love I have around me is so wonderful. I still have problems to work on and I’m working on making progress but now I think I see my worth.

I am worthy of love and I am worthy of life,
So are you.

XOXO
Em

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